Can't bring sexy back...

...cause it never left. Actually, there was a time when the steam was zapped out of my hot pocket. It was a few years ago after moving to the burbs and becoming a SAHM. Yes, there's even an acronym for the Stay at Home Mom. The peculiar thing is that there are lots of other ladies in the burbs who are not getting it on and most of them are married, which means they could have as much sexy as they want. Well, I had a meeting with myself and decided I would not end up as a prude who couldn't enjoy a good poke.

I'm grateful to have a love affair with my hubby. We celebrated his 50th birthday last weekend and had a blast with friends, a limobus, and wigs. After extensive research, therapy, books, and Womanly Arts training, here are some things I've learned about workin' that skirt.

* Pretend you're not married. Date. Call. Text, or sext for those of you who feel adventurous. Write notes. Make the most of the minivan w the stow-away seats - hello!

* In the words of the Bieb, "Never say never." Or always. Or every time. This is the #1 Rule of fighting. No hyperbole, unless of course, you have 10 examples with dates and times. If so, bring it!

* Train the kids to give you private time. You like morning lovin? Have the rugrats get their own cereal and turn on the tube. Kids in the backyard? Quick, lock the door and go for a let's-do-it quick.

* Make your own fun. Have family dance parties. Play dress up with the kids. If you don't have kids, play dress up anyway. Wigs are always fun but I can rarely get Dan into one. However, on his birthday, the limobus brought out the crazy.



Kate Gosselin wig backwards which makes Dan look like his brother Eric: