Thursday, November 18, 2010

The P Word

Pat downs! Ooooh you cheeky monkeys, you thought I was going to use the other p word right? And I will but not in this entry, although, being a graduate of the School of Womanly Arts, I encourage you to use it.

Today I'm thinking about those pesky pat downs that hundreds of thousands of people will experience next week as they travel to their Thanksgiving destinations.

I traveled through Dulles, Charlotte, Atlanta, and Miami airports last weekend hoping for a pat down. It was all in the name of research to report back to you. However, my lack of success in obtaining the airport touchy-feely is for all women who read my blog. So share it and pass this one around!

The way to avoid a pat down is to look eager for one! I had my "I'm ready" face on with a big smile for all security types. There were even eyebrow lifts and a conversation about wanting a pat down. Being forward is a guarantee they'll wave your ass through!

If only I could talk with someone at the TSA about those body scans! Homeland Security is really missing the boat by not allowing us to get a copy of our scans, similar to the system at an amusement park when you ride a roller coaster. People could pay for their picture - goodness knows we all look better in silhouette. And we could pose.

Lastly, I leave you with a quip if an airline gestapo goes up your leg to the nether regions. Tell 'em they'll have to pay you should they wish to get any closer to your "p".

Stay tuned for my turkey blog next week about the call in number at Butterball... Feeling very THANKFUL to all my friends reading Workin' That Skirt.

Few sites for travel advice: (how to get through quickly)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Winking Witch

"At first I thought you were some crazy lady.” My witch cackle filled the air. "But, nahh, you look good,” said my garbage man this morning while the white sanitation truck passed with honking horn. I was walking home from the bus stop in full Halloween regalia. My shirt says: THE WINKING WITCH…COME AND SIT FOR A SPELL.

Now here’s the thing, anyone who knows me for five minutes, realizes I love to dress up. However, the last thing I wanted to do this morning was get up and put on a costume for the kids’ school parties. Gigi has a parade and David has a shin-dig for which I volunteered to orchestrate the freeze-dance festivities. I have been in bed all week with some kind of nasty bug that included a fever, sleepless nights, and a cough that has gotten my abs in shape.

Being ill is terrible and so I pose the question: How does one work her skirt when she needs to take to her sick bed? Well, Monday, I felt the stirrings of a cold brewing and I mustered up the energy to make homemade chicken noodle soup with dill, leeks, carrots, and parsnips. Soup was on hand whenever I needed nourishment. I also slept in the cutest, coziest pj’s. I showered and did my hair every day even though I didn't feel like it. I retired to the guest room and watched countless hours of TV and read half of THE FALL OF GIANTS, which is a thousand page book. The kids came in at regular intervals to cuddle (they already had the virus).

In my weakened state, I didn’t care very much about doing things "according to plan" and realized a few life lessons. Because I didn't have the energy to be the go-between with my kids sibling rivalry, they didn't come to me. Hmmm, staying out of their disputes is my next plan of action, or in-action. Saying "no" to volunteering or to a project that will max me out was easy because I was taking care of myself. The most enlightening reward was through my son David Dean, who is 7 years old. He stayed home one day with a "sore throat,” which might have been a sympathy move, but I didn't care because he is the best hugger. We watched movies about Greek gods/goddesses, ate ice cream in the morning, and snuggled all day. He said to me something I will never forget, "Mom, you know, I want to have kids one day and you are teaching me how to act when I have kids.” I asked him what he meant as I scooped more ice cream in his bowl. He replied, "You are showing me that even though you feel sick, you can still have fun and that it is OK to break the rules to make yourself feel better.” How’s that for some crazy lady?