Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Family Jewels

“I did not think you were that kind of girl,” he said. My response with a big smile, “I think I am now." I used to have a platinum band, which was great, but desired something with a bit more sparkle, a rock. On our next anniversary, my hubby gave me a beautiful antique, Tiffany-setting ring. Ahhhhhh, it's thrilling to have the ONLY piece in our collection of family jewels. That is, of course, not counting the metaphoric ones….

At a recent annual "treasure" checkup, the doctor asked if I had any questions. We discussed my list and then all of a sudden, out popped, “A friend of mine is complaining about 'pee leaks'? Jumping jacks wreck her.” The doctor told me that she should do more squeezes, ya know, Kegels.

The pee problem is more common than I realized. I read it’s estimated that half the female population will at some point experience some form of incontinence (according to the Mayo Clinic). My fitness-instructor friend says that several ladies in her weekly mommy exercise class complain about the same issue, and that's just right here in the little 'ol town of Kensington. We need to whip those pelvic muscles into shape. Teri Hatcher uses The Amazing Kegelmaster 2000 and raved about it on The Tonight Show, saying now she has, "a really strong kitty cat." See the clip by clicking on the link at the bottom of this story. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants but wondered if the Kegelmaster keeps ya from having to wear the dreaded Depends when you're older and, if not, do they come in the shape of a thong?

I'd like the option to wear thong panties until my 80's. No grannie panties for me. Some of my buddies don’t understand the appeal of a thong. A group of my girlfriends recently took a momshell-power-lounging beach vacation. A few days into the trip, my lace French-blue thong went missing and I asked each friend if it had gotten mixed up in her laundry. Oh, the comments: "Why are you wearing a thong? I don’t have your butt floss. Doesn’t that hurt!" It became a running joke through the week. Back in Atlanta, one friend facebooked that her daughter was wearing it as a hat.

A thong IS a strange looking garment. Even my son made a funny comment the other day on this subject. He’s six. He saw me in my bedroom, getting dressed, and charged in with hands akimbo, “Mommy, WHERE ON EARTH is the rest of your underwear?”

Some comments you have to ignore, but not the one about how to take care of the family jewels.


  1. Oh dear, now I am obsessed with the thought that I may have a lazy kitty cat! Do I have to get one of 'em thingamajings to get her purring? How will I know?

  2. You'll know. I can't imagine your kitty cat is lazy. :)

  3. Love your blog! Your son's comment is hilarious!! And yes, mac and cheese can solve most of the world's problems.