Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Hair-brained honking

Does short hair mean you are bitchy? That was the topic last week on a DC radio station in relation to “Kate Plus 8”. The DJ said that women with short hair are bitchy, like Kate. People called in, said she is nasty. They said her haircut is white trash. Hairdressers added their commentary: A woman with short hair has to have ‘tude to pull off a short cut. In order to wear a cropped do, a gal has to have the personality to make it work. Usually there is an edge to women with short hair.

Weeeell, I’ve considered myself a short-haircut gal for the last 13 years but I don’t think I’m bitchy. Sassy at times, yes. When we moved to DC almost three years ago, my hair was short and I noticed that few women in my burb had a cropped cut. I also noticed that people drive very aggressively here. Drivers kept flipping me off, honking, and yelling out of their car windows at me. It is the damn roundabouts. How are you supposed to know where to get off? Sometimes there is a sign but the only way to see it is if you go merry-go-round style in the roundabout. On one outing with my kiddies, a truck almost hit us. He laid on his horn, gave me the finger, and called me a bitch. I got riled up and screamed, “Fu@&’in A!” My son earnestly asked me, “Mommy, did you say, ‘That truck got in our way’?” Yes.

The last time I had longish hair was almost 15 years ago and when a terrible thing happened, I put Kate Plus 8 to shame. I was living in London, launching a cable network and was happily separated from my Atlanta-based-practice-husband. He came to the UK, all caveman-like, to drag me back to the USA by my LONGish hair. After a bad serving of shepherd’s pie, we ended up in the ER. The Doogie Houser ER doc proceed to take some of my practice husband’s blood but it started spurting out all over his chest. I can’t stand the sight of blood and had a pass-out-and-fall-into-a-hospital-wall accident. Things continued to go downhill – practice husband wasn’t being treated, I was changing his bedpan, I needed drugs for my broken nose. That’s when I got fiesty and screamed with swollen tongue, “THIS wouldn’t be happening in America!” Nurse Ratched had us transported to the Infectious and Tropical Disease Center out in the English countryside. Longish hair was NOT washed during the three days while in quarantine.

Today my hair is medium length and people are still honking at my driving. But now when they flip me off, I wave, smile and look happy. I have embraced the fact that I’m not the best driver on the road. It's liberating to feel good about not being great at something, which, by the by, has nothing to do with the length of my hair! Just sayin'...


  1. For what it's worth, as a lifelong member of the short hair girls club, I have recently let my locks go to shoulder length...You know what I have found? Men now open the door for me...let me cut in front of their car...call me ma' am and miss instead of "hey you"...I thought chivalry was dead, clearly it was in my follicles. (Or perhaps it's bc I'm now in my 40's and they feel sorry for me...ie. Poor old lady can't open the door...)

  2. Short hair for me is a necessity. I think my 'tude comes more from my occupation (I can run heavy equipment with the best of 'em)and the bulldog effect that comes with having kids. Protect and defend, no time for blow drying and styling.
    Short hais is sexy and fun (with the right attitude...) and I have more comments on my short 'do than I ever did on my mid-back length tresses.

  3. haaaaa when you first told me that people would honk and yell at you I thought you were exagerating... until the day I was following your car to David's baseball practice!!!!



  4. Holy c*r*a*p. Keep it comin' lady, this is great! Practice husband? Hilarious! PS, I always wave and smile real friendly whenever anybody gives me attitude on the road, too. I figure it gives them pause, like, "Do I know her? Is she going to tell my wife what a rude driver I am?" I'm a great driver, BTW ... but the darn kids do distract me from time to time!!

  5. Long hair, short hair - it's all about workin the skirt!

    The power of the skirt beats any haircut.
    You go girl!